just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
ugly people sure do ruin things
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
