hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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