Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
