He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
