Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
