Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
