you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
