Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
