i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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