I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
