I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
