And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
