I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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