I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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