I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
