She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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