ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Pants are for mortals
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
