You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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