the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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