Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
