If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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