Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Too much gin, very little bucket
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Im part way to drunk.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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