so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
