You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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