Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
