drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
