weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
