TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize