we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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