This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
