By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
