Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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