I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
