someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
