Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
