Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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