GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
