you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
