I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
