I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
