what day is it and did you see me today?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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