Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
