woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
