apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
