I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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