I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
is it fun? or sober?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
