woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
