Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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