sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
