I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize