i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
