brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
