i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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