I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
