There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
As shirtless as possible
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
