Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize