does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
