I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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