ugly people sure do ruin things
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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