I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
