How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just want nice things and good sex
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
