Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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