I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
