i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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