Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
