i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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