Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
