I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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