I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
